These two desires resonate strongly in me. They are not at odds with one another. To view one as an illusion, the other a truth, would be simplistic. They are each so intrinsically connected and necessary to reconciling one's self with existence. The first, as a means of negating isolation, futility- through the eternal creative imaginary of ourselves. This is not reserved only for those who create art but should not be confused with false contrivance. They may in some sense derive from he same need but the expression does not. Now, more than ever, we all learn to create images of ourselves, of varying degrees of truth.. Diligent media consumers and voyeurs that we are, desperate to assert conviction of self (I am seen therefore I am? the tree in the forest) over a sense of isolation and uncertainty, we contrive to make ourselves real in a world reflected in empty images. Social media affords a means of pretending this- but a pale expression in a world of false pictures. For in contriving we do not make ourselves real, only in living, in seeking, in desiring, and experiencing (I feel therefore I am), can we know truth. And thus we seek to know and explore and create ourselves in relation to our experiences. So for the second, what better way to feel alive, what better way to deny nothingness and find our creative truth, than to dive to the very depths of existence, to recklessly embrace knowledge, living, loving, the creative and creating self. For what more can we hope to come close to understanding? To embrace life with all the ferocity of an animal conscious of his own temporality.. I need to know such secrets.