Francesca Ranalli
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Our Selves in the World

8/7/2015

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Visual artist Frida Kahlo felt compelled to create herself, a persona, an image of herself in her art. Needed to simply to know she existed, to trust herself real, to understand who she was, to be who she wanted to be. She also believed in and sought a true mystical union with nature, with the universe, and with love.

These two desires resonate strongly in me. They are not at odds with one another. To view one as an illusion, the other a truth, would be simplistic. They are each so intrinsically connected and necessary to reconciling one's self with existence. The first, as a means of negating isolation, futility- through the eternal creative imaginary of ourselves. This is not reserved only for those who create art but should not be confused with false contrivance. They may in some sense derive from he same need but the expression does not. Now, more than ever, we all learn to create images of ourselves, of varying degrees of truth.. Diligent media consumers and voyeurs that we are, desperate to assert conviction of self (I am seen therefore I am? the tree in the forest) over a sense of isolation and uncertainty, we contrive to make ourselves real in a world reflected in empty images. Social media affords a means of pretending this- but a pale expression in a world of false pictures. For in contriving we do not make ourselves real, only in living, in seeking, in desiring, and experiencing (I feel therefore I am), can we know truth. And thus we seek to know and explore and create ourselves in relation to our experiences. So for the second, what better way to feel alive, what better way to deny nothingness and find our creative truth, than to dive to the very depths of existence, to recklessly embrace knowledge, living, loving, the creative and creating self. For what more can we hope to come close to understanding? To embrace life with all the ferocity of an animal conscious of his own temporality.. I need to know such secrets.
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ON  IRONY AND SELF-SCRUTINY

8/7/2015

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http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/11/17/how-to-live-without-irony/?_r=0

This article struck me. I am not a hipster (if such a thing still exists). I too determinedly follow my own path. I desire two things, to drown in the experience of authentic living- (knowledge, experience, love)- and to give. I search for meaningful experiences and connections (as we all must), I joyfully and unashamedly seek, and I obstinately refuse to 'dodge responsibility' for any of my choices or desires. But even so, I identify with this idea of hiding in public. It is something I struggle with terribly. And I am undeniably subject to its’ consequential ‘several stages of self-scrutiny’. I think we all are to one degree or another. I think the 'irony' the author speaks of is heavily symptomatic of, and a reaction to, the incessant and self-imposed pressure of public scrutiny manifest in social media. How does one reconcile privacy, honesty and humanity with selective exhibitionism, irrevocability and physical disconnect? I strive for a free spirit and truth in everything, then clothe myself for uncensored, inflexible, perpetual, and entirely subjective (thus false? or true? for whom?) display- does this not seem perverse? But what do I reveal? Nothing. By omission. But the conciousness of what I hide, no matter how honest I strive to be, makes me (feel) artificial. Simply in the medium and in the choice of what we omit there is machination. Yet this is how we live, it is how we socialize. How agonizingly boring! And it does not let up, not even when we sleep. I am a very private person, and I dislike artificiality, but what I especially cannot abide is that which I perceive as dishonest in myself. But what might suit me in one mood, will not in another. This all leads to paralizing self-scrutiny. In this respect I feel paralized by ‘irony’. I don’t know how to reconcile myself with this. So here I reveal myself naked, but for a moment.

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